Happytime Funtime!

“GENTLEMEN! BEHOLD!” Doctor Weird bellowed in a ridiculously loud and booming voice, addressing a plural despite the fact the only person there besides himself happened to be his beleaguered lab assistant Steve.
“I HAVE MADE…THIS DOG!” He bellowed again as he pointed to a little puppy he’d had behind his giant metal door…which wasn’t here now on account of the door being lifted up.
“Aw…he’s a cute little guy” Steve admitted, hopeful that his boss had made something that wouldn’t try to kill him for once.
But as Steve walked over to the pup, he wound up suffering a nasty surprise.
“THANK YOU! BUT I MADE IT…TRANSFORM INTO A LEOPARD!!!”
Suddenly the puppy morphed into a leopard, snarled and pounced on the shocked Steve in order to maul him.
“LET’S SEE MICHAEL BAY TOP THIS!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

(Cue original opening theme…and we’re good to go.)

Master Shake slid inside Frylock’s room, Meatwad was asleep in his room and nobody could stop him at this point.
Going in front of the fry-man’s computer he rubbed his hands together and chuckled “ButtFrenzy.com here I come.”
Turning on the machine however showed an unpleasant surprise.
“Password?! Son of a bitch!” He yelled out “Some roommate, I try to liven up the damn house because the damn nerd’s boring as Hell, and he does this to me?!
“Two can play this game” he muttered as he went next door to steal the lead pipe Carl hit him with yesterday when he tried to get into his pool.

~

Frylock was out of the house to buy groceries, and had just returned “Shake! Meatwad! I’m home!”
Suddenly he heard several smashing sounds from his room “What the Hell?!”
He hovered into his room and was shocked beyond belief as he looked in and saw Shake angrily smashing his computer “Come on you son of a bitch! Let me on!”
“Shake? What the fuck are you doing?”
“Your damn computer won’t let me on! Now shut up, this hunk of junk needs to know who’s boss!”
Frylock glared at his roommate “Shake, I put the password on that.”
“What?! Then why the Hell did you do that?!”
“Because you keep using it to go to porn sites, and do you know how many viruses I’ve gotten because of you?”
“Well it’s not my fault your computer’s a stupid tramp and doesn’t use protection!”

~

Shake and Frylock stood outside Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria. Shake was looking at it indignantly, and holding a large lunchbox, while Frylock was just hovering nearby.
“What the fuck are we doing here?!” Shake shouted out.
“Look Shake, you’re gonna pay for the new computer one way or another, and you need a job anyways.”
“Then why the Hell am I here? A macho man like me deserves something like being a bikini judge or a security job in a strip club, because that’s where all the tail is!”
“Shake, you’ve never had a job or been in any kind of school. I’m surprised I was even able to get you this job.”
The drink cup growled at the place “This looks like the kind of place where guys who pierce one ear and dress up as women go, and have sex with each other while trying to discuss what kind of drapes to put in their pink houses because they’re obviously gay.”
Frylock glared at him “This is not a gay club Shake, this is just a good family restaurant…granted the puppets are a bit too creepy, but Meatwad likes it, and it’s not such a bad job. Sure you’re a night guard but it’s an easy job. Nobody ever breaks in there.”
“Because this place is boring! And you’re boring for thinking this a good job!”
“Dammit Shake! Just go inside!”

~

Shake now sat inside the security room at 11:58 PM, nearly time for his shift to begin and his job to start…but anyone who knew Shake could easily say that he had absolutely no intention of doing it.
Opening up the lunch box, he turned it upside down and shook out Meatwad.
“Alright you little creep. Look sharp.”
“Wh-what happened man” the blob of meat said, a bit confused “Are we at the fair now?”
“Look, I know I said that you could come to the fair if you didn’t talk, but I decided to surprise you. You know where we are?”
“Uh…in Carl’s house, because that’s where you left me when Frylock asked you to watch me last week.”
“No we’re not. We are at that disgusting pizza place where perverts like to go and talk about perverted things, but that you like for some reason.”
“You mean…we’re at Freddy Fazbear’s?!”
“Yes. And now you’ll get to be here all night.”
Meatwad’s mouth widened into a grin and he shook his hands in the air “Aw yeah!”
“Thank you. Now in return for this little favor, I need you to do something for me. So just sit in this chair…”
“Alright” Meatwad agreed, hopping up into the chair.
“Now, all you have to do is sit in there and watch the animatronics, while I go out to get so-”
Suddenly the phone began ringing and both of their pairs of eyes widened.
“It’s for you” Meatwad said.
“Of course it is” Shake said “This is obviously a call for a true superhero, and since I’m the only one in the room, it means I must go and save the day, and-”
Suddenly, the ringer stopped and then the Phone Guy began to speak.
“Hello, hello?...Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night.”
“My ass you are!” Shake growled “You ain’t roping me into this you hippy!”
The voice continued on “Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I’m finishing up my last week right now, as a matter of act. So I know it can be a bit overwhelming, but I’m here to tell you there’s nothing to worry about. Uh, you’ll do fine. So, let’s just focus on getting you through your first week. Okay?”
“How?!” Shake shouted out “This place is more boring than having to listen to Frylock talk about dirt, or why I can’t go to the store and demand women drop their drawers, because they know they want to! It’s like a babysitting service for retards!”
The voice, still very much a message no matter how much Shake didn’t realize this “Uh, let's see, first there's an introductory greeting from the company that I'm supposed to read. Uh, it's kind of a legal thing, you know. “Um, ‘Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. A magical place for kids and grown-ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life. Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced’."
Neither Shake or Meatwad were concerned at all, because they weren’t people, and too stupid to realize the implications of this message, what they did comment on was…
“Why’d they have to replace the carpet?” Meatwad asked, thoroughly confused “I mean, we never have to.”
“Because obviously whenever someone goes missing, some stupid kid shits on the floor and then they have to replace it...” his eyes widened “Which means I could make a buck or two off of them! Quick, run home and cut off the carpet and bring it here so I can sell it to them!”
“But I thought I was supposed to help you with your job?”
“You’re right! Stay here you slacker, don’t you dare think of rolling back there!”
“Okay.”
The voice finally spoke again after a pause “Blah blah blah, now that might sound bad, I know, but there's really nothing to worry about. Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No. If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I'd probably be a bit irritable at night too. So, remember, these characters hold a special place in the hearts of children and we need to show them a little respect, right? Okay.”
“Hell no! They’re supposed to respect me, I’m the night guard! And they’re just mooching off of my generosity by being allowed to live!”
“Hey now, don’t you be hating on them” Meatwad continued “Those are some damn fine songs they sing.”
“Those songs are lamer than Tiny Tim!”
The voice continued “So, just be aware, the characters do tend to wander a bit. Uh, they're left in some kind of free roaming mode at night. Uh...Something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long. Uh, they used to be allowed to walk around during the day too. But then there was The Bite of '87. Yeah. I-It's amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe, you know?”
“No, I did not know that” Meatwad earnestly commented.
“Well I did” Shake lied “I was the one to find out.”
“You were?” Meatwad responded, believing it.
“Yes, it was ten years ago when-”
Shake was cut off when the voice returned “Uh, now concerning your safety, the only real risk to you as a night watchman here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uh, if they happen to see you after hours probably won't recognize you as a person.”
“Racist!” Shake yelled out.
“They'll p-most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton without its costume on. Now since that's against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, they'll probably try to...forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit.”
Meatwad’s face rose a grin at the thought of dressing up as Freddy Fazbear, Shake on the other hand just rolled his eyes.
“Um, now, that wouldn't be so bad if the suits themselves weren't filled with crossbeams, wires, and animatronic devices, especially around the facial area. So, you could imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those could cause a bit of discomfort...and death.”
Shake and Meatwad’s eyes suddenly widened in surprise as this word sank in on them, and they immediately realized just what they were in for.
“Uh, the only parts of you that would likely see the light of day again would be your eyeballs and teeth when they pop out the front of the mask, heh.”
Silence reigned supreme as the two listened…only because they were too stunned to say anything.
“Y-Yeah, they don't tell you these things when you sign up. But hey, first day should be a breeze. I'll chat with you tomorrow. Uh, check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary. Gotta conserve power. Alright, good night.”
And as the message stopped, the terror continued…until Meatwad just got confused.
“Uh wait…what’s he talking about?”
“You are really stupid” Shake muttered, “That was obviously Frylock calling us and pretending to be the previous night guard so we’ll get the shit scared out of us.”
“But, that guy sounded white.”
“Ugh! Profiling again, just like the pigs. Just because a giant milkshake goes and throws jars of urine at those stupid women who think they can’t put out because they give their lives to God and wear robes, does NOT mean it was me!”
“But ain’t you, like the only milkshake in the city?”
“No I’m not” Shake continued to argue, until he noticed something at the foot of the seat “Oh! A tablet!”
Moving over to it with a grin, he picked it up…and then scowled.
“What the- This stupid thing only looks at the cameras?” He was looking right at the animatronics on the stage.
Meatwad lit up “Are you looking at the stage? Are they singing?”
“No, they’re just standing there like a bunch of fucking rocks!...Where can a milkshake get to the sexcams so I can show some broad my junk?!”
He began to switch through other cameras to see if something interesting could be found “This is boring!” He complained.
Well unfortunately for him, things were about to be a lot less boring.
He switched back to the stage…and Bonnie was missing.
“What the- there’s supposed to be three of them!”
“Well if you’d have listened to the phone, that guy said they’d roam around at night and try to shove us inside a Freddy Fazbear suit.”
“Not on my watch! El presidente Shake is the ruler here and what I say goes!”
He quickly began to flip through the cameras and try to find the animatronic rabbit, but had little success until he looked in the hall and saw Bonnie mid-step.
Silence reigned in the room…until Shake stuck his head out of the left door.
“Hey asshole! Get back to the fucking stage! Your master demands it!”
He stuck his head back in “Now you see Meatwad, that’s how you do it. I will look at the stage and he will be back on the stage like the bitch he is, because I am the Master and the Shake!”
Shake lifted up his tablet and looked at the stage…but Bonnie still wasn’t there.
“What the Hell?! That was a direct order!”
“Uh, Shake I don’t think they know you’re here.”
“Bullshit!”
“And I also don’t think they’ll, you know…care, that you’re a night guard.”
“Oh, and what makes you say that? The fact you’re a rolling blob of meat with no brain and I’m a highly intelligent and handsome milkshake who has to beat the honeys off with a stick because they just wanna get me to knock them up and leech off of my immense wealth and-”
Suddenly the two stood surprised as they heard the sounds of hard, metallic footsteps nearing the door.
Shake cautiously pressed the light button…and they saw Bonnie standing right outside the door, looking at them creepily, and just standing there.
Both Aqua Teens looked on at him with surprise, not at all expecting a potentially homicidal killbot to be right next to them.
And as usual, Shake took this completely out of context.
“Look Meatwad, he’s here to give you a hug!”
Meatwad grew a sincere smile and rolled towards Bonnie to try and hug the bunny.
Then just as he got to the door, Shake hurriedly shut it, Meatwad barely managing to avoid getting his arms chopped off.
“Hey!”
“Damn it! You were so close! But now the door hates you, and doesn’t want you to get a hug.”
“What a jerk.”
“I think I can open up the door so you can try again, but you’d better be quick!”
Shake opened up the door again, Bonnie still there and Meatwad, chipper as ever, tried to give him a big ol’ hug.
And Shake, as you probably expected, shut the door again in an attempt to cut Meatwad’s arms off. Which again failed.
“Aw dang!”
“This door is a crafty one” Shake chuckled as he lied about why it suddenly shut, “let’s see if you can try this a third-”
They both suddenly stopped as they heard another set of footprints, this time from the right.
Shake pressed the other light to see Chica standing outside, slackjawed and looking like the creepiest duck in existence.
Shake narrowed his eyes at her “Hey bitch! You wanna ride my dong you get in line like everyone else! And lose a few pounds while you’re at it! Fatty!”
Shake slammed the door shut and flipped the bird off.
“You know Shake” Meatwad said, looking a bit sad “You didn’t have to yell at her, she was a nice chicken.”
“But the master has a reputation to uphold, and I can’t be seen banging some fatass duck!”
“I thought she was a chicken?”
“She is a duck trapped in a chicken’s body. And that’s why she’s a disgusting, inhuman deviant.”
“Now look, just because she confused by her species, don’t mean she’s a…what’d you say?”
“I say, shut up” he lifted up the tablet “And let me- HOLY SHIT!”
He’d looked at Pirate’s Cove and saw Foxy looking out at him.
“Who the Hell is that?!”
“That there” Meatwad explained “Is Foxy the Pirate Fox, and he be my favorite character…but they said they shut down his attraction for biting something…I think it was pizza.”
“Well is he some kind of hitman?! He’s giving me the evil eye like he wants to kill me!”
“Well pirates were…raiders of the Super Bowl.”
“And what the Hell does that mean?!”
“I dunno.”
“This job sucks!”

~

Master Shake had somehow managed to conserve enough power to keep the animatronics from breaking in, and despite his better judgment he decided not to tell Frylock lest he admit he was frightened.
One thing’s for sure, he couldn’t be there the following night, so he needed a patsy to help him by taking the job for him so he couldn’t risk death by suit.
And that’s why he was pounding Carl’s door like it was a punching bag.
“Carl! Get out here!...Caaarrrrrl!”
The fat Jerseyite suddenly opened up the door and glared right at Shake.
“Well look who it is, the biggest freak out of all the freaks I have to put up with. Could you just do me a favor, and stand in the middle of the street blindfolded?”
“The last time I tried that a semi-truck nearly hit me! Worst twenty bucks I ever made!”
“And a frigging waste of money.”
“But today the tables have turned, I’m offering to pay you to do something.”
“Oh no, no, no, no. The last time I heard this conversation it ended with me having to explain to some fat bitch why her poodle was shoved up my ass.”
“Well today we will have none of that, and I assure you it’ll be well worth your while.”
“And just how, pray tell, is that?”

~

Carl stood inside what was supposed to be Shake’s office, Shake having waited until Frylock had left and motioned for the fat man to enter so he could do the job he was supposed to do.
And why was he doing this?
“Alright, that damn cup better be right about the robot strippers. Who’d have thought some horny old guy would actually have thought to make-”
Suddenly the phone rang again, and his eyes widened in surprise.
He stayed silent in hopes of it going away, then noticing the tablet computer.
Carl picked it up in hope of accessing the cameras and trying to find some animatronic boobs. The Phone Guy began to speak anyways.
“Uhh, Hello? Hello? Uh, well, if you're hearing this and you made it to day two, uh, congrats! I-I won't talk quite as long this time since Freddy and his friends tend to become more active as the week progresses. Uhh, it might be a good idea to peek at those cameras while I talk just to make sure everyone's in their proper place. You know...”
“Proper place? What the Hell are you talking about?!” The fat, sweaty Jerseyite muttered as the Phone Guy talked about stuff he couldn’t possibly know.
“Uh... Interestingly enough, Freddy himself doesn't come off stage very often. I heard he becomes a lot more active in the dark though, so, hey, I guess that's one more reason not to run out of power, right? I-I also want to emphasize the importance of using your door lights. There are blind spots in your camera views, and those blind spots happen to be right outside of your doors. So if-if you can’t find something, or someone, on your cameras, be sure to check the door lights. Uh, you might only have a few seconds to react... Uh, not that you would be in any danger, of course. I'm not implying that. Also, check on the curtain in Pirate Cove from time to time. The character in there seems unique in that he becomes more active if the cameras remain off for long periods of time. I guess he doesn't like being watched. I don't know. Anyway, I'm sure you have everything under control! Uh, talk to you soon.”
“What the hell’s this Pirate Cove thing?” He muttered, beginning to switch through the camera, shortly enough he switched right over to Pirate Cove and saw Foxy peeking out through the curtains, staring right up at him with his open jaw.
Carl’s eyes had widened at the sight, but soon returned to normal as he began to jeer him.
“Hey Blackbeard. Get to a frigging dentist, or a vet, you look like you’ve got a bad case of ass scurvy. Hehheh.”
He stupidly switched away from the camera to continue his quest for boobies, and soon looked right back at the stage, where he suddenly noticed something profoundly disturbing.
“Hey…there’s supposed to be three’a them.”
Quickly switching through cameras to see where the missing animatronic, Bonnie, went.
His answer came swiftly when he looked inside the room behind the stage, where the rabbit was clearly visible.
Well his outline was visible anyways, but it’s the same damn thing.
“Oh, so that’s where you are, huh? Well it ain’t like I give a damn. You can stand out there looking like a jackass for all I care.”
He let down the tablet and grumbled, not at all hearing the rapid footsteps of Foxy as he ran down the hallway.
“That damn cup lied to me! Where are the strippers?! Where the fu-”
And that was when Foxy suddenly leaned in and looked right at him, his jaw slack as ever as he prepared to grab Carl.
“Aaaaaah!”
“Oh God!”

~

Frylock floated over to the door the following morning, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he wondered just who the Hell was there.
“Yes, can I hel- Oh my God!”
Carl stood there…stuck inside a heavily bloodstained Freddy Fazbear suit, somehow having walked all the way back inside this would-be deathtrap without dying, and he was pretty pissed.
“Where! The! Fuck! Is! Shake?!” The Jerseyite growled with a tire iron in hand, very eager to hurt a certain milkshake.
As Frylock floated by in surprise, Shake, quite frightened, looked around the corner to see if it was what he thought it was…and found he was right.
And Carl had seen him.
“You son of a bitch!” He roared, stomping right inside, managing to move despite the immense pain he was in, for his determination to get revenge was so great he wasn’t going to stop until he killed Shake.
Shake quickly shuffled into Frylock’s room and locked the door, Carl had stomped his way there pretty quick and tried to knock it down.
“Open up there jackass! You got this coming to you, you bitch!”
Frylock, worried he’d break open the door, grabbed Carl’s arm “Carl, what happened man?”
“Look” Shake said through the door “Don’t believe a damn thing he said, he’s insane! He’s had it in for me for years!”
“Because you keep pulling this kind of shit! Now you get me to come to your workplace and do YOUR job, just because you say there’re animatronic strippers…”
“What?” Frylock angrily said, mad that Shake was trying to get out of his work, as per usual.
“But you forget to, uh, mention…THAT IT’S FILLED WITH A BUNCH OF MOTHERFUCKING ROBOTS WHO WANT TO STUFF ME INSIDE A SUIT FILLED WITH BEAMS AND SHIT!”
Now Frylock’s eyes widened terribly big as he heard this, this was the first time he’d heard anything like this “What?”
“It’s just an excuse!” Shake yelled from behind the door “Call the cops! He wants to kill me!”
Meatwad suddenly rolled up “It’s true, Shake took me there yesterday, and this ‘ol boy called saying that these animatronics, they’d want to stuff us inside a Freddy Fazbear suit, and Shake tried to cut my arm off.”
“No I did not” Shake growled from behind the door “Those machines didn’t even budge! It was dullsvile!”
“I think I should have a look for myself” Frylock muttered, tired of all this confusion.

~

The four were now in the Freddy Fazbear’s Family Pizzeria at midnight, standing (or in Frylock’s case, floating) in the security room, where Shake was being grilled like a hamburger.
“And this was where you stood?”
“Yeah” the irate Carl grumbled “When that frigging fox showed up here, and screeched in my Goddamn face!”
Frylock glared over at Shake “And just why did you lie about this to Carl?”
“Look, how was I supposed to know the fox would try to kill him?”
“Because you were here two nights ago.”
“But I didn’t see a fox running towards me.”
Frylock was about to speak when he heard haunting laughter, everyone’s eyes widening as they realized that something menacing was very close.
“What the hell was that?!”
“The Joker, obviously” Shake lied.
“No Shake, that sounds more like Satanic laughter…and if the Joker were here, we’d have much bigger problems than-”
“AHHHHH!”
Suddenly, Freddy Fazbear himself teleported behind them all and waved his arms in an erratic but oddly threatening manner.
Frylock quickly reacted by firing his eye lasers, which narrowly missed Freddy’s head and hit the wall.
And upon his near-death, something really weird happened.
Freddy’s eyes widened and his arms were held up in a non-threatening manner “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Dude! Just chill out.”
“…You can talk?”
“I can sing! What makes you think I can’t talk?”
“Because you were created to sing.”
“Man you don’t even know who made us! We can do anything!”
“Well who did make you?”

~ Back in the past ~

Doctor Weird stood in his laboratory, gesturing towards his display door once again as he prepared to explain what new weapon of mass dest- er, invention he’d made.
Steve hoped and prayed that it was not the exploding kombucha again, the last time he brought that out he didn’t have a spine for months!
“Gentlemen! Behold!...MASCOTS!”
The door opened up and revealed the Freddy Fazbear gang, standing around there like a bunch of statues.
Steve was very relieved “Oh wow! Doc these are actually pretty neat.”
“Thank you! But they haven’t done what they need to do yet!”
“What do you mean?”
Suddenly an empty Freddy Fazbear suit fell from the ceiling and right behind Steve, spooking the hell out of the poor guy.
“Put it on!”
“But how? I can’t wear that.”
“Then…THEY WILL HELP YOU!”
The robots suddenly advanced upon Steve and grabbed him.
Then before he could even scream they shoved him into it, violently killing the poor bastard.
“Yes! Now let the wearing begin! I’m gonna be a fashion designer!”

~ Present day~

“And that’s how we were born.”
Frylock’s eyes were widened “Doctor Weird made you guys too?”
“Well we’re talking, singing animatronics who shove people inside animatronic suits to kill them, what do you think?”
“…Yeah I’m not too surprised about that either…does he run this place?”
“No way dude, he just made us for the guy who does.”
“Who’s that?”
“Uh, let’s head outside to the dining area…this could take a while.”

~

At the dining area, the Aqua Teens and Carl (still bleeding) were just standing around, while the Freddy Fazbear gang also just stood around, though Foxy looked shifty and like he was on drugs.
Frylock’s eye was raised “Uh, is he okay?”
“Oh he is, Foxy just forgot his nicotine patch today.”
“Them crows is everywhere matey!”
“…He gets a little crazy when he doesn’t get his smokes.”
“Arr!”
“Well could someone send him off to the scrapyard already?” Carl growled “He’s the one that shoved me into this Goddamn thing!”
“Sorry about that” Freddy admitted “We thought you were the night guard…our job is to both entertain kids and shove night guards into animatronic suits to kill them. We just thought you were the guard, which is crazy since you’re not a fatass milkshake.”
“Hey!” Shake yelled out “Listen you faggot! I’m not fat!”
“You’re fat alright” the bear growled back “And ugly as hell, especially on the inside, I heard what you said about Chica and it hurt her feelings a lot.”
“It’s true” the chicken sniffled.
“Well if she’d lose a thousand Goddamn pounds she wouldn’t look like an elephant’s bastard child!”
Freddy Fazbear lifted a chair up and smashed it over Shake’s head.
“OWW!” The asshole cried out.
“Apologize to Chica, you little bitch!”
“Okay! Okay! You’re not a fatass duck-”
“Chicken.”
“What’s the difference?! Both animals are pathetic anyways, and anyone with low self-esteem like that should just-”
Freddy groaned “Oh boy…I should have known he’d be this nasty. Hey Bonnie, take that milkshake into the other room and smite the motherfucker.”
Bonnie rubbed his hands together and chuckled “My pleasure boss!”
“What the Hell’s that supposed to mean?” Shake grumbled as Bonnie walked over to him and grabbed his straw.
“It means we’re gonna have a little talk about why you don’t make fun of my girlfriend” the rabbit muttered as he dragged Shake off to the kitchen, where there’s no cameras.
“Hey!” Shake exclaimed “What the hell are you- Ow! Wait a minute, don’t- AHH!”
The sounds of punching filled the air as Bonnie proceeded to start beating the shit out of Shake, punishing the milkshake for his insolence.
“That oughta do it” Freddy said, relieved that Shake was out of his hair.
“Now, like I said mister…”
“It’s Carl Brutananadilewski you fucking weirdo!”
“Temper, temper” Freddy growled “No need for me to give you a solid pimp slap, right?”
Carl grumbled but he shut his trap.
“Now, we only put you in the suit because we thought you were the night guard, and it is our job to shove any night guards we find into an animatronic suit to kill them.”
Frylock’s eyes widened again “Oh my god.”
“Yeah…ironically it also kinda makes us night guards…who look out for the night guard, it’s weird, you know?”
“Have you…stuck people in suits who weren’t night guards before?”
“Not usually…just one guy actually, who, get this, made his own suit that he could wear, a gold one, and tried to lure kids in here so he could kill them…boy was he in for a  nasty surprise, shoved his ass right in a suit. Hell, even if it wasn’t my job I’d still do it.”
“Fuck yeah!” Foxy roared out “We love kids, matey!”
“And just who has you shove people into suits?”
“Our boss, we don’t know his name…but he’s a real weirdo, if you’ve ever seen him.”
“Weirder than a talking animatronic robot who shoves people into prickling suits of death?”
“…Touche.”
“Why does he have you do it?”
“Now that I do know, now I asked him several times and each time I ask he always says, if you can believe it…
“To build a cash ship and return home to Cash Planet.”
Frylock’s jaw widened and his eyes dro-…wait a minute.
Frylock’s eyes widened and his jaws dropped as he heard this, he couldn’t be dealing with him again, could he?
His head spun as he remembered the maniac and some of his past obsessions, Dick Planet, Tooth Planet, and Hamburger Planet…there could be now confusion with who he was dealing with this time.
“I think I know who your boss is…you happen to know where he lives?”

~

Over at the house of the owner of Freddy Fazbear’s Family Pizzeria…which was literally made out of money, it’s nothing less of a Goddamn miracle that the thing’s still standing despite rain.
Now, the Aqua Teens (speaking of which, Shake looks like SHIT!), Carl, and the Animatronics were walking inside.
“Hey, anyone here know where the light switch is?” Frylock asked.
“Why don’t you ask the owner!” An all too familiar voice spoke out.
Suddenly the lights went on, showing all the cash furniture, and revealing before the Aqua Teens, the true owner of Freddy Fazbear’s pizza.
He was a rotund sack of money with a pair of glasses and a double chin, but Frylock knew who he was.
“Wong Burger!”
“Yes! It is I, Doctor Wong Burger…and you are trespassing.”
“What the hell did you do to yourself now?”
“Hey!” Shake yelled out “What the fuck is going on here?! My eyes are so Goddamn swollen I can’t see a single fucking thing!”
“Perhaps you shouldn’t have been badmouthing Chica” Freddy muttered.
“Well excuse me for not knowing that duck was the Goddamn queen of England! Now someone pry open my eyes or I’ll-”
Foxy suddenly stabbed his hook into one of Shake’s eyes, through the folds, and ripped it right out “Ahhh!”
“That damn milkshake be real annoying matey.”
“You asshole! Give me back my eye!”
“Hey bucko, you want me to take the other one?”
“Silence! Everyone listen to me!” Wong Burger bellowed “And listen to my story!
“It took months of therapy to realize that I was childish to think I was a hamburger…no, no the truth of the matter was much more mature, I was the all important thing this whole fucking universe revolves around!
“Through highly advanced, expensive surgery, I was able to become what God had really intended for me to be…
“Money!”
Frylock groaned “Wong Burger, do you have any idea how much trouble you’ve caused Carl here?”
“Yeah!” The fat man yelled, lifting up an arm “Look at what your freaks did to me!”
Freddy scowled at Carl and punched him in the face “Gaaaah!” He screamed as the spikes drove in further “Alright! Alright! I take it back!”
“You simple fool! You had it coming! You should have known better than to try to spend even five nights at Freddy’s! And not even the Aqua Teen Hunger Force can stop me this time!”
“Hey guys” Meatwad spoke up “I, uh, just thought of something, why don’t we just go and have pizza?”
“Well that’d be great” Freddy began “But we have to resolve this so our boss is finally shut up for good.”
“Well…then why don’t you just put a suit on him?”
Everyone’s eyes (except Shake, because he couldn’t open them) widened as Meatwad actually said something intelligent for once, and Wong Burger was a bit frightened at this prospect.
“Well that’d be dandy” Freddy began “But we don’t have a spare suit to throw him in.”
“But Carl’s got one.”
Carl’s eyes widened further, sure this thing was causing him immense, ungodly amounts of pain but at least it kept the blood in…mostly.
He’d only died once this week and he’d prefer to keep it that way.
“Whoa there, no there’s no reason to act so hast-”
“Hmm” Freddy thought aloud “Now you might have something there.”
He and the rest of the gang walked over to the horrified Carl and began pulling the suit out of his flesh, and ignoring his screams as they did so.
“Now then” Wong Burger stammered, trying to reason with them “You’re my children, I didn’t intend to traumatize you by making you murder many people…”
“Aye! And I be Blackbeard!” Foxy growled.
“You’re too close minded!” Wong Burger yelled back “You’re Cashaphobic!”
“Well I’m not into fucking bathtubs full of money” Bonnie growled back “Nothing wrong with that…all I’ll fuck is Chica.”
“Well you’re too close minded! That’s why you’ll neve- ARRGH!”
The animatronics had gotten to Wong Burger and were in the process of stuffing the guy inside the suit, basically turning him into a pincushion filled with blood.
“Oh my God!” Meatwad cried “Wong Burger’s full of strawberry jam!”
“Screw this” Frylock muttered, picking up the bleeding Carl and dragging him off as he continued to leak blood.

~

“Well, at least you aren’t dead.”
“And you think that’s a good thing?!” Carl growled “With all the pain I’m in, I fucking wish I was dead!”
Frylock had hooked Carl up to a jury rigged life support engine made out of stuff in his house (only Frylock would think of plugging some holes in a wound by wrapping a blow up doll on it).
“Well could you do something with my eyes?” Shake growled from the living room “Because these folds are not going down at all! And I need to watch more porn!”
“Fuck you Shake!”
Meatwad was in his room sniffling.
He didn’t take the fact that Freddy Fazbear’s pizza had closed down very well.
“And never again *sniff* will I hear the Freddy Fazbear national anthem. Oh why oh why does life have to be this way!”
Suddenly a loud crashing noise was heard as the door flew open, and the familiar voice of Freddy Fazbear bellowed.
“Run! Run you fools! Before it’s too late!”
“Oh God!” Shake yelled “Look, before you try to kill me, please be merciful and do not believe any lies. I totally didn’t insult you guys on the forums!”
Frylock floated in and was quite surprised to see the Freddy Fazbear gang standing in the living room with suitcases…along with the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the future “What’re you guys doing here?”
“Well you faggots got us in trouble now!” Bonnie growled.
“Thousands of years ago” The Ghost crooned “I told you they fucked it up!”
“The suit didn’t work” Freddy explained “We got it on him alright, but he was still alive. And then…”

~

“I…I’m alive?!” Wong Burger said, amazed he’d survived the whole thing.
“Then that settles it! I am a robot! And now, I shall collect robots so that I may build a robot ship and return to Robot Planet!”

~

“So yeah, we’re gonna hide out here for a few…years.”

*Cue ending credits*