Blackie had been taking a shower when she called him to arrange a meeting, and about half an hour after said phone call she was there…with Blackie choosing to greet the feline whilst wearing only a towel.
“Admit it” Blackie smirked “You only came here to see me with my shirt off.”
Blackie’s house was a single story; slightly run down wooden cottage that she guessed was built in the roaring twenties. Lucy personally thought the paint could have used a new coat and his lawn was a tad overrun. Not that it surprised her; she didn’t really think he had the ambition to even hire people to take care of these simple things.
The assassin often referred to as Snow White rolled her eyes at the bear’s overinflated ego “Sure, as if a hired criminal who should be doing her job has nothing better to do than stare at the torso of an ursine idiot who thinks with his dick. You know what I’m here for.”
“Yeah” The bear grumbled, Lucy’s words having knocked him down a peg “Come on in.”
“Said the spider to the bird” the cat commented as she entered Blackie’s hovel, referring to a modified metaphor about how Blackie didn’t realize just how dangerous she was.
She was immediately surprised at what she saw, she’d have thought Blackie would have had horrible hygiene…but his house was surprisingly clean.
Of course, it wasn’t perfectly clean, this place could use a bit of a better help along those lines, and (cliché as it sounds) a woman’s touch could probably fix that.
Blackie followed in as soon as Lucy got in “I was planning to have lunch, you want anything?”
“No thanks” the cat answered “I already ate while I stalked those wolves.”
“Fine by me” Blackie shrugged “Just wait by the TV.”
Lucy returned the shrug with a slight sarcastic tone in her movements, heading towards a room where Blackie kept a fairly sizable television.
The cat set herself down on Blackie’s couch and noted a particularly fine table in front of her. It was a lovely coffee table that looked homemade; even she had to admit the bear had some taste when it came to furniture.
She was still studying it when Blackie came in with a steak and a bottle of Corona beer. A proud smirk rose up on his face “And here I thought you hated my touch.”
The words sank into Lucy all too quickly “You made this?” She said in a surprised and mildly impressed voice. It seemed this bear wasn’t a complete moron after all.
Blackie’s ego grew as he continued “Yep. I’m a carpenter and home handyman by trade, that’s how I know so many women.”
“And what woman doesn’t think of fucking her repairman every once in a while” the cat dryly remarked, Blackie not catching on to the sarcasm.
“Well what can I say; the ladies love my touch” he bragged, setting his food down “Wanna try?”
Lucy’s ears pinned back, he might have been a skilled carpenter but Blackie was still a moron “Why don’t you quit flirting with death so we can get this over with?”
The bear took the hint and put a damper on his renewed hope of sex, instead asking her some questions “You wanna eat something? I got some of my leftover stir fry in the fridge, and it is awesome!”
“I ate whilst acting as a professional wolf voyeur, remember? Let’s start again.”
Lucy pulled out a cigarette and lit it “I need to know something important, how the Hell did the feud between you and the wolves start?”
Blackie turned on the television, and quickly flipped it off of the porn channel he’d originally had it on (so Lucy didn’t get pissed), currently the machine was playing a western featuring a nameless man in search of gold.
Blackie’s face sank as he realized what she was talking about “Are you sure? It’s a long story.”
The cat cast a new glare toward the bear and he quickly realized her answer “Alright then, it started a while back.
“A few years ago, Sandra and some friends of hers moved into the neighborhood and caught the attention of pretty much everyone here.
“Monica and her friends…and Hannah, used to be some of the hottest babes around, and while they wouldn’t really admit it, they loved the attention they got because of it.
“Seriously, I know some guys who bought newspapers just to hide the boners they had, and I fucked every single one of those babes!”
“As your paternity suits can testify” Lucy snarked “I’m just surprised Mrs. McBear didn’t, I don’t even know if it’s because you rocked her world, she likes having a new child in the house or because she could support herself just fine without it.”
Blackie didn’t bother asking how she knew about this, “Well yeah. Anyways, this all began just one day when Sandra had gotten these sweet nipple piercings, and her doctor said she needed to expose them to open air, but Sandra thought it was a good idea to do this…outside.”
Lucy chuckled “Did she cause a car crash?”
“Not really, she did cause a biker to smash his chopper into a street post though. Anyways, I was trying to get the maillady to ‘deliver my package’ if you get the drift, when she saw Sandra’s milkshakers as she took a walk and ran off in repulsion.
“I went over there and told her off for cock blocking me, after talking her into just airing them out somewhere else, I thought I could just find some other chick to bone and try to go after her later.”
“I take it you’ve never screwed her then” Lucy asked.
“Nah, never could figure out how to get into her snatch, I did get some of her frien-”
“Let’s get back to the topic at hand” Lucy interjected, not wanting a long day of Blackie recalling his sheet stories.
“Monica doesn’t particularly care for wolves” Blackie continued “And she mistook this walking around without a shirt as a kind of war declaration on their ‘sex hold’ so she got some of the girls to start going around wearing very little…not that I was complaining.
“Sandra was surprisingly patient, and didn’t actually try to get back until Monica started gloating about it right outside her house. And Sandra had a bit of a hot temper when she does get riled…so one day, she walked right outside and lifted her shirt off when a lotta guys were coming home from work.
“Sandra officially declared war on the bears, with me profiting from this as the babes needed stress relief from yours truly. Hell, I even scored a threeway with Mrs. McBear and her daughter.
“Things heated up after Sandra called her friends in to start spreading canine sex appeal wherever they could. And I, being a Devil’s advocate, banged a couple of these canines, and I don’t mind admitting that they could do it just as well as the bears and were more open to kinkier forms of sex.”
“Which helps us how?” An annoyed Lucy growled, outraged she had to remind Blackie to stay on target for the third time today.
“Well, Monica was pretty upset to find she’d still been losing, and got fed up enough to go off and bite her, right on the arm.”
Lucy began to realize just why Sandra was so angry with Monica.
“I don’t remember too much of what happened, aside from having the pleasure of covering Beverly Bearski’s breasts with honey and watching a pair of nipple rings get caught, but I do know how it ended.
“Monica called in this friend of hers, Carmen Bearoma, to try and bring an exotic beauty in to help. But unfortunately for her, she was a friend of Sandra’s friend Bonita Lobo, and neither of them were willing to war against eachother.
“Anyways, Monica and Sandra ended up reluctantly negotiating a truce, not too big of one but now we’ve got general peace between them, with the wolves showing no animosity towards the bears, which was fantastic for me since-”
“You could get laid easier” Lucy grumbled, finishing his sentence “But Monica and Sandra never quit, did they?”
“Yep, now both of them have remained at eachother’s throats ever since, I never really tried to do anything about it before, because frankly, it didn’t really affect me, but now it does.”
Lucy sat up “So that’s it? This whole thing just started because they cared about the opinions of perverts?! Who in their right mind makes sexy poses at the drop of a hat?”
Blackie shrugged “Who cares? Now, when will you get to work?”
Lucy groaned “Look, I can’t operate until I have some information I can actually use. So far the only ideas I have are slipping steroids into her food and drink so a blood test will disqualify her or swapping out her posing music.”
“Funny” Blackie said, taking a large bite out of his steak “I’d have pegged you for trying to break an arm or a leg or something.”
Lucy muttered something under her breath before switching to a louder voice “Under normal circumstances, I could just force her out, but not only is she incaninely determined to win the contest but this is without a doubt one of the most petty jobs I’ve ever done, so in no frigging way will I snap any of her bones.”
“Just a thought” Blackie added, intending to ensure she didn’t get the wrong idea.
“Sure it was, now then, do you have any other ideas on how to fix this?”
Blackie shrugged “You tell me, I paid you to take Sandra out of the picture, not to think everything up.”
The cat hissed at him “Look you throw rug, if you want results, you gotta give me something to go on, otherwise…” Her voice trailed off as a new idea entered her head.
Blackie caught on to this “What’ve you got?”
“Tell me Blackie” Lucy began, “Does Sandra have enough pride to refuse a trainer…?”